雅思写作典型病句分析

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2007:04:03 15:02:19
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

Task Two

Some famous universities lower their academic requirements to enroll students who have outstanding athletic talents. To what extent do you agree with this practice? Give reasons based on your experience.

You should write at least 250 words and spend approximately 40 minutes on this task.

对病句的点评

误：Lowering the academic standards to accept the special student can lead to decline the quality of education and to destroy the respection of college.
decline 之后应有介词in 或 of。 destroy 是动词，此处应用名词 destruction ，与前面的 decline 平行，均为 lead to 的宾语. Respection 完全不对，根本没有这个单词。作者想用 respect （礼 貌、尊敬），但仍不对，要用 reputation （声誉）。但destruction 与 reputation 又不是很好的 搭配，因此应将 destruction 改为damage。

正： Lowering the academic standards to accept special students can lead to the decline of the quality of education and the damage of the reputation of the school. (damage为名词，与decline 平行)

或： Lowering the academic standards to accept special students can lead to the decline of the quality of education and damage the reputation of the school. (damage 为动词，与 lead to 平行)

误：Their (other students’) opportunities that entering college may be occupied by those students with athletic talents.
作者有用定语修饰 opportunities 的意图，但因语法错误而效果极差。其实很简单，用 to enter 即可。

be occupied 应改为 taken away。

正： Their opportunities to enter college may be taken away by those students with athletic talents.

误：The university also benefit itself by his athletic fame due to enrol and train the students who have special athletic talents. For example, Oxford and Cambridge are very famous in the world. The reason may be owned a little to their boat race games.
这是两个很好的句子，因为其中一个是“论点”，另一个是“论据”。这种用事例、数据等证据来支持论点的做法使人感到客观。很多考试的作文会由于英文水平欠佳、缺乏论据、受汉语表达方式的影响等原因而显得口号多，实际内容不扎实，得不到理想的分数。

此句有若干错误，请对比前后两句。

正：The university also promotes its athletic fame by enrolling and training the students who have special athletic talents. For example, Oxford and Cambridge are very famous in the world. One of reasons probably is the annual boat race on river Thames.

误：Universities should give equal opportunities to students who study very well as well as those who can contribute to some special areas.
作者用 as well as 表达“既 …，也…”。使用此词组时应特别注意，很多人会在这里犯错 误。如果想表示 “既 … ，也 …”，可以用 as well as。如：This game is good for parents as well as for children. 此句中包含了一个逻辑关系，就 是 game 一词与孩子的关系更密切，与家长的关系不那么密切。如果译成汉语，“孩子”应该放在“家长”之前：这个游戏既对孩子好，也对家长好。用英文表达此逻辑关系时，这两个名词的先后与汉语相反。因此，在写作时不宜轻用 as well as，如要用，请斟酌逻辑关系，把握词序的正确。

正： Universities should give equal opportunities to those who can contribute in some special areas as well as those who have academic excellence.

误：In modern world-level games, we can see that there are many athletes with higher education background. it attribute success to the new education system that the universities have built.
higher education background 不好，应改为 good/excellent educational background。

attribute 使用错误。见例句：

We attribute the success of the party to the excellent organisational ability of the monitor. 我们把晚会的成功举办归功于班长的出色组织能力。（attribute to 的主动用法，主语是人）

The success of the party is attributed to the excellent organisational ability of the monitor.

此句的意思与上句一样，只是用了被动形式，主语是某个成功的事情。再如：

The improvement of people’s life should be attributed to, among other things, the current economic policy adopted by the central government.

人民生活的改善有很多原因，其中之一是由于政府所采取的经济政策。

正： In many modern world-level games, there are many athletes with good educational backgrounds. This should be attributed to the new educational system that the universities have built.

误：Those students who enrol by lowering academic standards always can’t finish their academic courses well.
句中有一个非常不明显的错误，动名词 lowering 的主语问题。见例句：

1）I passed the difficult exam primarily by having worked a lot harder than others.

我通过了这个困难的考生，主要是靠比别人更努力地工作。

2）Tom went to Edinburgh by hitch-hiking. 汤姆考搭顺风车去了爱丁堡。

在这两个例句中，动名词 having 和 hitch-hiking 的主语就是句子的主语。而在 Those students … 句中，lowering academic standards （降低学术标准）的主语不是学生自己，而是学校。 虽然这个错误不明显，却是个严重的错误。

always 的位置不好。

正：Those students who enrol by being given lower academic standards can’t always finish their academic courses well.

或： Those students who enrol for their athletic excellence rather than for their academic performance often have difficulties finishing their academic courses well.

误：Some of these students couldn’t graduate timely as a result of bad exams marks.
timely：及时的，适时的。此句中应用“按时”、“准时”，最好的词组是 on time。

bad exams marks 不好，可用 poor academic performance。

正： Some of these students couldn’t graduate on time as a result of poor academic performance.

误：Even though university accept those students who have special athletic talents that will get some comment, the benefit will outweighted its disadvantages.
定语从句 that will get some comment 有两个问题：1）get comment 不好，应改为 be criticised。2）不太清楚此从句修饰主句中的哪个内容：university，students，还是 talents 一词之前所 有内容。

outweigh是正确拼写，有很多人会因为 weight 的拼写给 outweigh加字母 t。

benefit 与 disadvantages 在数上应对等，或都用单数，或都用复数。

正：Even though some universities accept students who have special athletic talents, which is often criticised, the benefits of doing this outweigh disadvantages.

或：Even though the universities that accept students who have special athletic talents are often criticised, the advantages of doing this outweigh disadvantages.

误：Students who have special athletic talents should not become the scapegoat for lowering the university’s academic standards, they should be entitled to choose the appropriate university they like.
前后两句话之间不能用逗号，或用句号，或用分号。 be entitled to 后应跟名词，如：

Everyone is entitled to education. 人人都有受教育的权利。

I am entitled to an annual vacation of 15 days. 我每年有15天的休假。

前句的思想及表达都很好，特别是 scapegoat 一词的使用。

正： Students who have special athletic talents should not become the scapegoat for lowering the university’s academic standards；they are entitled to choosing the appropriate universities they like.

（王旭 北京语言大学优秀雅思教师）