Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the 15 minute warning is called. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I ve got the secret documents!!" Respond to the written-answer questions in limerick form. ("There once was a trend factor from Cork....") Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the proctor s left nostril. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I m SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the proctor is. Bring cheerleaders. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, run out, screaming, "I can t take the stress anymore!" Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level. On the written answer questions find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: "I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs." Be creative. Bring pets. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the proctor, say "They ve found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. Come down with a BAD case of Turret s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don t know one, make one up! Bring things to throw at the proctor when s/he s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. As soon as the proctor hands you the exam, eat it. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the proctor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the proctor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. On math-oriented written-answer exams, use Roman numerals. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "F--- this!" and walk out triumphantly. Arrange a protest before the exam starts. (i.e. Threaten the proctor that whether or not everyone s done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.) Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the proctor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" Comment on how sexy the proctor is looking that day. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I m here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. Relate the answers to all written-answer questions to your life story. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!" Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the proctor s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. When answering math-related written answer questions, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. Come in wearing a full knight s outfit, complete with sword and shield. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation. Bring cheat sheets FOR A DIFFERENT EXAM and include them with your written answer papers with the comment: "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. After you get the exam, call the proctor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. One word: Wrestlemania. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. Try to get people in the room to do the wave. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol (e.g., The God/Goddess of Partial Credit). Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Syllabus with you, challenging the proctor to find the section on musical instruments during exams. Don t forget to use the phrase "Told you so". Answer one written answer question with the "Top Ten Footnotes of The CAS Syllabus."