托福备考资料:T友写作范文汇总(三十二)

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2008:03:31 12:23:16
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

030 It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.
There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of whether it is worthwhile to build a school in the local community or not. On one side, there is the classical view that the only purpose of a community is to house residents and building a school is not worthwhile. On the other side stands the social and environmental position, which holds that a communitys purpose goes well beyond housing residents and building a school is necessary. As far as I am concerned, I strongly support the latter. In the follow discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, education service is an organic part of a mature community. Modern urban planning analysis contends that community is an integrated entity, in that its success largely depends on the diverse services that it can offer. Specially, this analysis indicates that the education service plays a critical role in the communitys livability. One typical example is that more than 54% of communities planned in 1970s in China gradually have declined partly due to the lack of local education services. Another example is that a wise buyer will not choose a community without a local school because it is of great trouble for him to drive a long way to take his kids to a school located in another district. Therefore, nowadays, a community without a school is no longer favored.

Next, a school will benefit the community environment at least in two aspects with a growing appreciation of the importance of environment. In the view of architecture, its buildings are more vivid and characteristic than the houses or the apartments and hence the school usually becomes one of the landmarks of the local area. In the view of ecology, a school may have large lawn and picturesque woods, which can purify the air, decrease the carbon dioxide and prevent noise. As a result, the school makes the community environment more beautiful and attractive.

However, dissenters may deem that a school will occupy the pricey land and lead to a tight fiscal budget. Obviously, they failed to realize that not establishing a local school would eventually have some negative effects on the sustainable development of the community. Hence, building a school is undoubtedly benefit to the community.

To sum up, it is safe to reach the conclusion that building a school carries more weight to serve the community. In order to improve the community quality, we must endeavor to build public consensus and take effective and efficient measures to ensure the implementation of the local school-building plan.

修改意见
There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of whether or not it is worthwhile to build a school in the local community or not. On one side, there is the classical view that the only purpose of a community is to house residents and building a school is not worthwhile.(this sentence structure is awkward, thereby making difficult to understand) On the other side stands the social and environmental position,(which word is the object?) which holds that a communitys purpose(new term, it is a good idea to explain what the term refers to) goes well beyond housing residents and building a school is necessary. As far as I am concerned, I strongly support the latter. In the follow discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

the more complicated setence struture the essay have, the more mistakes the writer will make, and the less clear the theme statement is.

To begin with, education service is an organic part of a mature community. Modern urban planning analysis contends that community is an integrated entity, in that its success largely depends on the diverse services that it can offer. Specially, this analysis indicates that the education service plays a critical role in the communitys livability. One typical example is that more than 54% of communities planned in 1970s in China gradually have declined partly due to the lack of local education services. Another example is that a wise buyer will not choose a community without a local school because it is of great trouble for him to drive a long way to take his kids to a school located in another district. Therefore, nowadays, a community without a school is no longer favored.( can you explain what is " community declined" refer to? I believe that a community refers to a neighbourhood. it is very abstract to me.)

Next, a school will benefit the community environment at least in two aspects with a growing appreciation of the importance of environment. In the view of architecture, its buildings are more vivid and characteristic than the houses or the apartments(,) and hence the school usually becomes one of the landmarks of the local area. In the view of ecology, a school may have large lawn and picturesque woods, which can purify the air, decrease the carbon dioxide and prevent noise. As a result, the school makes the community environment more beautiful and attractive.

However, dissenters may deem that a school will occupy the pricey land and lead to a tight fiscal budget. Obviously, they failed to realize that not establishing a local school would eventually have some negative effects on the sustainable development of the community. Hence, building a school is undoubtedly benefit(s) to the community.

To sum up, it is safe to reach the conclusion that building a school carries more weight to serve the community. In order to improve the community quality, we must endeavor to build public consensus and take effective and efficient measures to ensure the implementation of the local school-building plan.

good conclusion.