"Both President Obama and Dick Cheney will give competing speeches tomorrow on national security and terrorism. It’s kind of like ’American Idol’ except one of them got voted off months ago." --Jimmy Fallon 奥巴马总统和迪克·切尼明天会就国家安全和恐怖主义的问题发表演说PK，这就像“美国偶像”一样，只是其中一个几个月前就输掉了投票。——吉米·法伦 "But the speech went over pretty well. I mean, Cheney was interrupted five times by applause and 50 times by people screaming, ’Stop! I’ll tell you everything! What do you want to know? Just stop, please! Don’t go on!’" --David Letterman 不过演说进行得非常好，我的意思是切尼被掌声打断了5次，被人们的尖叫打断了50次，“停，我会告诉你们一切的！你们想知道什么？请停一下，不要继续了！”——大卫·莱特曼 "In competing speeches today, President Obama said the U.S. went off course with practices like waterboarding. Cheney retaliated by saying he doesn’t regret any of the decisions he made, and if he had to do it all over again, he would order President Bush to do exactly the same thing. And then he ate a baby." --Jimmy Kimmel 我要收藏 在今天的演说PK中，奥巴马总统说美国因为水刑的使用这样的情况而偏离了正常方向。切尼回敬说他从不为自己做过的决定后悔，如果他不得不重新再做一次，他会命令布什总统做一模一样的事情。然后他干掉了一个玉米煎饼。——吉米·卡莫 沪江小编：eat a baby不是指吃孩子哦，eat a baby指的是The act of consuming a Chipotle Burrito. Burrito的意思是墨西哥煎饼，看起来有点像墨西哥鸡肉卷，可能因为被卷起来像一个被包住的孩子所以才叫eat a baby吧 "There are some people who are saying that maybe Dick Cheney is setting himself up to actually run for president. You know, it makes sense. Republicans are looking for fresh blood, and Cheney just had some yesterday." --Bill Maher 有人说迪克·切尼可能正在筹划自己竞选总统的事儿，你别说，这还真有道理。共和党人正在寻求新鲜血液，切尼昨天正好有点。——比尔·马歇 "The other day George Bush gave a speech at a graduating high school class. He told the kids it’s interesting the way life turns out, and now he finds himself walking the dog and picking up poop. Finally, something he can actually find. He couldn’t find Osama, he couldn’t find the weapons of mass destruction. If only we’d be attacked by dog s**t, we’d be OK. … Oh, poor George Bush, picking up after some unthinking creature’s mess. Well, now he knows how Obama feels." --Bill Maher 前些日子，乔治·布什给一个高中毕业班做了一场演讲。他告诉孩子们说人的一生是很有趣的，现在他发现他自己溜着狗，捡捡狗的粪便。最终，他可以找到什么东西了。他没能找到本·拉登，他没能找到大规模杀伤性武器。如果我们只会被狗狗的粪便攻击，这倒无所谓了。哦，可怜的乔治·布什，处理着一些没有脑子的生物留下的烂摊子，嗯，现在他知道奥巴马是什么感受了。——比尔·马歇 "Hey, last night at a fundraiser in Beverly Hills, people paid $30,000 to attend a dinner and a discussion with President Barack Obama. The subject of the discussion? The struggling economy ... Let me tell you something, if you spend $30,000 on dinner, aren’t you legally a Republican at this point?" --Jay Leno 嘿，昨天晚上比弗利山庄有一场募捐晚宴，人们花了3万美金和奥巴马总统一起出席一场晚宴和一个讨论会。讨论的主题？我们苦苦挣扎的经济……我跟你们说哦，你要是花了三万块钱就为了个晚宴，你这一刻不就变成共和党人了么？——杰·雷诺 "North Korea tested another nuclear bomb. The fear is that North Korea will sell this nuclear weapon to some unstable, volatile world leader, you know, like Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno 朝鲜测试了另一颗核弹。值得担心的是朝鲜可能会把这种核武器卖给一些不稳定的、善变的世界领导人，比如迪克·切尼这样的。——杰·雷诺 "Before she left for China, reporters repeatedly questioned House Speaker Nancy Pelosi about her claim the CIA lied to her. But Pelosi remained tight-lipped. She also remained tight-foreheaded and tight-eyelided." --Jay Leno 在去中国之前，记者们一直追问白宫发言人南希·佩洛斯关于她说中情局对她说谎的事情。但是佩洛斯嘴巴一直很紧。她还有很紧的前额和很紧的眼睑。——杰·雷诺 "The National Archives lost a hard drive with massive amounts of valuable data from the Clinton Administration. It contained Bill Clinton’s to-do list, 500 people long." --Jimmy Fallon 国家档案馆丢了一块重要的硬盘，里面有大量克林顿政府时期的数据。里面有克林顿的to-do列表，有500个人那么长。——吉米·法伦