托福备考资料:T友写作范文汇总(五十)

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2008:01:10 13:44:34
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

81. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Science and technology is a prime theme in the twentieth century. Science help the human being understand more about the origin of universe,life and consciousness. And technology bring a great impact on our traditional life style.In the light of this statement,technology is a double-edged sword.Not only does it improve our living standard,but also makes several new problems such as nuclear blackmail.but in generally, technology has made the world a better place to live.

Like all other great force,technology has this power of destroying a world is undeniable.No one could forget that more than 200,000 people died in Japan in the second world war caused by two nuclear bombs.And still,even more people died because of the polluted environment, which is the by-product of technology.

Despite the fact that there are several disadvantages in technology. there is a widespread testimony that technology impulse the social advancement and has made the world more comfortable to live. For instance, It is cool that stay in the air-condition room in the hot June afternoon. It is miraculous that people could meet clients in London in the morning and have lunch with family in the Roma at noon.Just because of the invention of the plane.

In conclusion, this world is not merely a bad joke and technology is not a vulgar flare amid across the cool radiance of the stars.In spite of some disadvantages, we still could say that technology has made the world a better place to live.

修改意见:
81. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Science and technology is a prime theme in the twentieth century.（开篇第一句就有问题了，应该是peace and development是二十世纪的主旋律吧，而不是science and technology，这种上纲上线的话不能随便编的哦，老外也懂的）Science help（helps）the human being understand more about the origin of universe, life and consciousness.（这里origin连带了universe, life and consciousness三者，我想作者不是这个意思吧；难道科学对人类的帮助重点在于理解origin，我觉得这里对科学下如此的定义，还不如说科学提高了生产力和全人类的福利水平来的好） And technology bring（brings）a great impact on our traditional life style. In the light of this statement, technology is a double-edged sword.（this statement是说技术好的一面，用in the light of显然是因果的关系，怎么就忽然话锋一转变成双刃剑了呢？）Not only does it improve our living standard, but also makes several new problems such as nuclear blackmail. But in generally, technology has made the world a better place to live.

Like all other great force, technology has this power of destroying a world is undeniable. No one could forget that more than 200,000 people died in Japan in the Second World War caused by two nuclear bombs. And still, even more people died because of the polluted environment, which is the by-product of technology.

不得了，一个强反对论述段，整段都在反对第一段的technology has made the world a better place to live的中心。虽说有理，但是这就像辩论一样，既然我们是正方，我们怎么能“我方完全同意对方辩友的观点”？

而且结构上如何说起，突兀。建议，把这部分精简放到总结段之前来个让步。

Despite the fact that there are several disadvantages in technology, there is a widespread testimony (用不可数名词evidence就比用testimony好)that technology impulse the social advancement and has made the world more comfortable to live. （benefiting from the powerful driving of technology, the world is becoming more and more comfortable to live）For instance, It is cool that stay in the air-condition room in the hot June afternoon. (口语化了，even though it is very hot outside, people can still feel delightfully cool inside with the help of air-condition.) It is miraculous that people could meet clients in London in the morning and have lunch with family in the（把the 去掉） Roma at noon, just because of the invention of the plane.

In conclusion, this world is not merely a bad joke and technology is not a vulgar flare amid across the cool radiance of the stars. In spite of some disadvantages, we still could say that technology has made the world a better place to live.

这一段所说与上文无法很好衔接，不能很好的起到总结点题的作用。

对于这位朋友，我想，首先要把作文的框架明晰了。每一段都干什么，托福作文还是比较八股的。段与段之间环环相扣，不会如你这样的大起大落。分论点过后有论据支撑。

同时我看得出，你的作文有不少quote。广泛的阅读和摘录是可贵的，我们也要针对具体的题目来整合和修改以配合全文的论证。关键还在花时间，自己要多写。

先看看范文，模仿的写吧。