美国晚间脱口秀笑话一周精选（6月26日）实用英语

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2009:07:12 22:14:41
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

　　美国南卡罗来纳州州长马克·桑福德前一周失踪了，重新出现之后召开了记者招待会，说自己在过去一年和一名阿根廷女性有了婚外情。并说自己当初“太天真”。
　　"Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared...and it turned out he was in South America. And then it turned out he was down there because he was sleeping with a woman from Argentina. Once again, foreigners taking jobs that Americans wont do." --David Letterman
　　州长马克·桑福德不见了……后来大家发现他去了南美，然后大家又发现他去那里是因为他和一个阿根廷女人有染。外国人又一次做了美国人不会去做的工作。——大卫·莱特曼　我要收藏
　　"Gov. Sanford may have broken the law because he left the country without transferring power to his lieutenant governor. Yeah, apparently Sanford violated South Carolinas sacred bros before hoes law." --Conan OBrien
　　桑福德州长可能已经触犯了法律因为他离开了国家而没有把权力移交给助理州长。是啊，很明显桑福德在触犯法律之前就触犯了南卡罗来纳的神圣兄弟。——柯南·奥布莱恩
　　"Today the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, whos the head of the Republican Governors Association, held a press conference to reveal he had an affair with a woman from Argentina. People were shocked because Republicans traditionally dont do well with Hispanic women." --Conan OBrien
　　今天南卡罗来纳州的州长、共和党州长联合会主席马克·桑福德，举行了一场记者招待会，承认他和一名阿根廷女性有婚外情。人们都很震惊因为共和党一直和说西班牙语的女人相处不来。——柯南·奥布莱恩
　　这里不知道有没有影射奥巴马提名的新大法官索尼娅·索托马约尔。索尼娅出身美属波多黎各，属于西班牙语裔。自从奥巴马提名以来，共和党人就一直在质疑她、揪她的小辫子。
　　"Good for her I say! Good for you! Finally! I never understood why these women had to stand by their douchebag at the press conference. Hes like, Oh I did this I did that then I took off her dress and then we went to Hooters...I think what the wives should do is just wear a t-shirt that says Im with stupid." --Craig Ferguson, on Mark Sanfords wife not appearing at his press conference
　　要我说真有她的，真有你的！真是，我一直不懂为什么这些女人非得在记者招待会上站在混球的旁边。他就“我做了这个我做了那个然后我脱掉了她的衣服然后我们去了猫头鹰……”我想这时候妻子们应该做的事情是穿一件T恤，上面写着“我和一个笨蛋在一起。”——克莱格·弗格森评论马克·桑福德的妻子没有出现在他的记者招待会上
　　"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. Im like, great, now wereoutsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson
　　你们听说南卡罗来纳州州长马克·桑福德了吗？他上周神秘失踪，没人知道他在哪。今天，桑福德承认和一名阿根廷女性有婚外情，我就想，太好了，我们已经在外包情妇了。——克莱格·弗格森
　　"The past couple of years there have been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade was Jesse The Body Ventura." --Craig Ferguson
　　过去的几年有太多关于州长的丑闻了，咱们都知道世道坏了，过去十年最正常的州长是杰西·文图拉。——克莱格·弗格森
　　杰西·文图拉是明尼苏达州的州长，他是美国前职业摔跤手。
　　"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is claiming victory in Iran. Its controversial and he is very unpopular. And the danger is this - he could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb." --David Letterman
　　穆罕默德·艾哈迈德-内贾德在伊朗宣布大选胜利。这很有争议，他现在很不受欢迎，危险的地方还在于——他可能毁掉他弟弟杰布的政治前程。——大卫·莱特曼
　　杰布其实是小布什的弟弟，这里莱特曼说来说去又说到当年小布什的事情了。不过布什的这个弟弟在共和党人中口碑很好，曾经担任佛罗里达州的州长并成功连任。老布什曾经说杰布是最合适入主白宫的人。不知道未来我们会不会看到杰布·布什成为白宫的布什三世。
　　"No, its sad about Iran, but what do you expect about a country with a government thats propped up by oil, thats led by a religious wacko? Kind of like Alaska." --Bill Maher
　　不，伊朗现在很悲惨，但是你能从一个依靠石油起家的政府通知的国家期待什么呢？这个政府还是由一个宗教疯子统治的，跟阿拉斯加似的。——比尔·马赫
　　大家知道阿拉斯加的州长是谁吗？莎拉·佩林
　　"But the Iranian government is planning a curfew because things are getting so crazy in Iran. And I thought if there is one thing an angry mob respects, by God, its a curfew, isnt it?" --David Letterman
　　不过因为伊朗的事态走向太疯狂了，所以伊朗政府正在计划宵禁。我想如果还有一件事能让一个愤怒的帮派尊敬的，也就是宵禁了是吧。——大卫·莱特曼
　　"But the Iranian supreme leader says the election results are official. He said, Its over, the election results are official. And besides that, it costs too much torig another election." --David Letterman
　　但是伊朗最高法院领导人说大选结果是官方的。他说，“都结束了，大选结果是正式的，除此之外，再办一场选举开销太大了。”——大卫·莱特曼
　　"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney has signed a publishing deal to write his memoirs. I dont want to spoil anything, but it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi." --Conan OBrien
　　前副总统迪克·切尼上新闻了。切尼已经签了一份协议写他的传记。我不想透露什么内容，不过传记的结局是他杀死了Obi-Wan Kenobi。——柯南·奥布莱恩
　　"Toyota has begun production on a Prius Hearse which they say will be better for the environment than the traditional gas-powered hearse. Experts say its the perfect way to tell everyone at your funeral procession, Im judging you from beyond the grave." --Conan OBrien
　　丰田公司开始生产普锐斯灵车 ，他们说这种车比传统的燃气动力的灵车更环保。专家说对于每个参加你的葬礼的人来说都是一种很好的方式，“我不只从你的坟墓评判你。”——柯南·奥布莱恩