美国晚间脱口秀笑话一周精选（6月19日）实用英语

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2009:07:12 22:14:42
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

　　"In the Iranian elections, it was a tie. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the other guy were tied, and now, couple a days later, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wins by a landslide. I dont know. People are very upset. I mean, they sparked violent protests, calls for investigation, there is national outrage. Uh, wait a minute, thats me." --David Letterman
　　在伊朗大选中，本来是个平局。马哈茂德·艾哈迈迪-内贾德和另一个家伙打成了平手。然后现在，几天之后，马哈茂德·艾哈迈迪-内贾德以压倒性的胜利赢得了大选。我不明白，人们都很不安。我的意思是，他们开始了暴力抵抗，要求调查。这是国家的暴行，哦，等等，那是我。——大卫·莱特曼
　　"Well, the results from Irans presidential elections are in. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. But his opponent, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesnt work, hes planning on making a documentary about global warming." --Jimmy Fallon
　　呃，伊朗的总统选举结果已经出来了。马哈茂德·艾哈迈迪-内贾德已经宣布了胜利，但是他的对手米尔-侯赛因·穆萨维声称选票有问题，要求调查。如果这没有用的话，他打算制作一部关于全球暖化的纪录片。——吉米·法伦　我要收藏
　　"And then, after the elections, the supreme leader in Iran certified the election results and shipped the crooked voting machines back to Florida." --David Letterman
　　然后，在选举之后，伊朗的最高领导人证实了选举结果，然后把这个有问题的投票机还给了佛罗里达。——大卫·莱特曼
　　最近伊朗大选引起了政局动荡，马哈茂德·艾哈迈迪-内贾德宣布赢得大选胜利，但是有人怀疑选票有问题，所以要求调查，美国人由此联想起了八年前小布什和戈尔的佛罗里达之争，最后美国的这场大选交给最高法院裁决，他们裁定小布什胜选，由此开始了小布什的八年总统生涯。戈尔后来开始关注环境问题，他参与拍摄的温室效应全球暖化纪录片《难以忽视的真相》赢得了奥斯卡最佳纪录片奖。
　　"Ill tell you, to be honest, I was quite nervous about this whole thing. And I was really nervous about an apology to Sarah Palin. So what I did to get my confidence up, to get my nerves to settle down, I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina Fey." --David Letterman
　　我跟你们说哈，说真的，关于整个这件事我特紧张。我真的特别紧张要向莎拉·佩林道歉。所以，我做了一件能让我重拾自信、干掉紧张的事情，我找蒂娜·菲道歉了一下作为彩排。——大卫·莱特曼
　　上周大卫·莱特曼调侃莎拉·佩林一家之后被要求向莎拉·佩林公开道歉。
　　"Honestly, how many of you are only here tonight hoping that Ill offend somebody else?" --David Letterman
　　说实话，你们里面有多少人今天来是想看我冒犯别人的？——大卫·莱特曼
　　"This is crazy. You probably saw this. Former President George Bush Sr. celebrated his 85th birthday today by skydiving with CNN anchor Robin Meade. Fox News reported the story as, Liberal media pushes old man out of airplane." --Conan OBrien
　　这简直太疯狂了，你们可能已经看到了。前总统老布什为了庆祝他85岁的生日，和CNN的主播Robin Meade一起。福克斯新闻是这样报道的：“自由媒体把老人推下了飞机。”——柯南·奥布莱恩
　　"The official report said that Hillary Clinton fell while she was walking to her car in the parking lot of the State Department. But Hillary likes to exaggerate, so shes telling everybody it was sniper fire." --Craig Ferguson
　　官方报道说希拉里·克林顿在在走到国务院停车场的途中摔倒了。但是希拉里是很夸张的，所以她跟每个人说她被狙击手袭击了。——克莱格·弗格森
　　"Heres fascinating news. Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick Boom Boom Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26%, up to 26%. Yeah, crazy, isnt it? Hes been upgraded from hated to unpopular..."Im not surprised that Dick Cheneys approval rating has really soared, really skyrocketed, up to 26%. Because you know, he gave people what they wanted. He left office." --David Letterman
　　这里有一条很惊奇的消息。迪克·切尼，你们还记得迪克·切尼吗？就是迪克·迸迸·切尼。他的支持率有26%了，26%哦。是啊，很疯狂不是吗？他正在经历从被痛恨到流行转变……我可一点不惊讶迪克·切尼的支持率真的在狂飙。因为你们都知道哈，他给了人们最想要的，他离开了白宫。——大卫·莱特曼
　　"The bad economy is affecting the numbers of available jobs. So, many new college graduates are choosing to spend a year volunteering at a nonprofit organization. These nonprofit organizations include Chrysler and GM." --Conan OBrien
　　糟糕的经济正在影响招工的数量。所以，一些应届毕业生选择在一家非盈利组织志愿工作一年。这些非盈利组织包括克莱斯勒和通用。——柯南·奥布莱恩
　　"President Barack Obama has been on TV more than Regis lately. He was all over NBC the week before last. Next week, hes doing a two-hour, primetime town hall here on ABC. But if we didnt want our President on TV all the time, maybe we shouldnt have elected Oprahs boyfriend." --Jimmy Kimmel
　　巴拉克·奥巴马总统现在上电视比里吉斯都多。上上个星期他一直在NBC晃。下周，他又要在ABC电视台的黄金时间做一场两个小时的市政厅演讲。不过要是咱们不想总在电视上看到总统，也许我们不应该选奥普拉的男朋友。——吉米·卡莫
　　"In a major speech Sunday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called for the Palestinians to get their own state. Unfortunately, the state he offered them is New Jersey." --Conan OBrien
　　在周日的一个重要讲话中，以色列总理内塔尼亚胡要求巴勒斯坦人拿回他们自己的州。很不幸，他提供给他们的州是新泽西。——柯南·奥布莱恩
　　"Joe Biden said something interesting in an interview, just this weekend. Vice President Joe Biden said he still has his eye on the presidency, which is weird since the question was, How do you take your coffee?" --Conan OBrien
　　乔·拜登在一次采访中说了一些有趣的话，就是这个周末。副总统乔·拜登说他仍然期望得到总统的职位。这非常奇怪，因为这个问题是“你怎么拿咖啡？”——柯南·奥布莱恩